


How About A Kiss

by rexlover180



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, M/M, OT3, One Shot, Play on words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexlover180/pseuds/rexlover180
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a long day for all three of them. As they unwind in Napoleon's room, trying to find some way to get to sleep, Napoleon suggests a kiss goodnight would do just the trick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How About A Kiss

They were all tired. Exhausted. The mission had lasted longer than usual when Napoleon had once again gotten too cocky about his safe cracking skills. Illya had to remember to ask about the alarms more often. Thankfully, Gaby had been ready with their getaway car, but the chase had lasted for quite some time and Illya could still hear those damn gunshots. They’d gotten the information they needed, though. The mission was basically done. It didn’t even matter that the three of them actually had different room in the hotel, they all simply went to Napoleon’s, all three knowing that his would be the most luxurious.

As tired as they were, they knew it would take a while for them to go to sleep.

Illya sat on the couch, looking at the chessboard that he had brought up from his own room. It was a good way to idly spend his time. Gaby watched him curiously from the nearby arm chair while Napoleon stood at his personal bar, making drinks for himself and Gaby, which Illya had declined. He let out a huff when he’d realized he’d made a stupid mistake, exposing a queen for a rather easy take.

“So, the horse, it moves in an L?” Gaby asked and Napoleon let out a laugh. Illya blinked, looking up at her. She did not know anything about chess, did she? “Why?”

“That is how the _knight_ moves,” Illya said clearly.

“Any reason for it?” Gaby asked conversationally. Illya’s eyes flicked to her cheek, then to her arm, where a few bullets had grazed her. He felt guilty, as usual, for being unable to keep her unharmed, but she did not seem to mind the scrapes. She did seem rather shaken. A useless conversation like this might help them both relax.

“Those are rules,” Illya said simply, turning back to see if there was anything he could do about that queen. Napoleon then sat beside Illya, a glass of scotch in one hand and something that looked like a martini that he handed to Gaby. Napoleon let out a long sigh as he leaned heavily into the couch.

“Any other rules of interest?” Gaby asked finally, evidently confused by Illya’s choice of moving the queen across the board. “Why can’t they all move the same? Like checkers.” She seemed to drink the entire martini in one gulp.

“Chess is not checkers,” Illya said simply and Napoleon laughed again, shaking his head. “Would you like to say anything, Cowboy?”

“Just thinking about you playing checkers,” Napoleon smirked. Illya was not amused.

“How about you teach me some chess?” Gaby asked, not caring as she plucked a rook from a square. Illya just stared at her. “Maybe I’ll be good, a proper match for you.”

“No one I have met has been good match,” Illya said clearly, taking the piece from her hand. “I will teach you if you want.”

Napoleon settled into the couch, watching with tired eyes as Illya talked, his rumbling voice soothing to the other spies with him. Gaby was almost afraid to ask questions to interrupt the flow and ease of his voice. It certainly helped that Illya himself was drowsy as well, a few of his words slurring together when he wasn’t thinking too clearly. Napoleon swirled the scotch in his glass. He’d have to get up soon to pour some more.

He downed the remains easily as Illya reset the board, allowing Gaby to make the first move. Napoleon smiled as he stood up. Illya’s face was priceless when Gaby moved a pawn forward three spaces. The smirk playing on her face told Napoleon she did it on purpose.

“You know, Peril,” Napoleon said as he reached the bar again and started tinkering with the liquor, “I wouldn’t mind one of those kisses right about now.”

“What?” Illya asked simply, too tired and confused to make much of a retort.

“I’ve only had the pleasuring of seeing it once,” Napoleon continued smoothly, pouring a generous amount of scotch into his glass before turning around, leaning against the bar. “What you Soviets call a kiss. That would help me get right to sleep.”

“You want me to paralyze you?” Illya asked curiously, glaring down at the board as Gaby seemed intent on skipping his turn, moving a rook like a bishop.

“What are you two arguing about now?” Gaby asked. “If it’s something about Illya’s kissing skills, you have my interest.”

“I am not going to give either of you a kiss,” Illya said and the two pouted. He scoffed, shaking his head. He pointedly reset the board and Gaby stuck her tongue out at him.

“I was just saying it would get us to sleep rather quick,” Napoleon shrugged, standing from where he was at the bar, taking occasional sips of his drink as Gaby, thankfully, took the game seriously. They played through a few turns peacefully, Gaby’s face tracing frowns as she focused. It was rather amusing for Illya to watch. He was playing with a rather simple formation. He was ‘going easy’ on her, but he still intended to win. He would win. He didn’t lose.

Illya narrowed his eyes, however, as he watched Napoleon walk over to Gaby and whisper into her ear, pointing towards a few pieces. Gaby seemed to take his advice, completely disregarding the gambit Illya had carefully put into place and taking a different, inconsequential piece. Illya growled slightly. He didn’t like the way Napoleon played chess, too undignified and unrestrained.

Gaby giggled slightly, watching with apt interest as Illya stared at the board for quite some time, planning his next moves carefully. She knew he was going easy on her, all considering, which annoyed her. She did, however, appreciate that Illya took the game seriously enough to never lose on purpose. Just what she wanted. Taking Napoleon’s advice had proved worthwhile, forcing Illya to rethink his strategy. He was so focused on his own that he was all but ignoring Gaby’s strategy.

Napoleon sat back down beside Illya, watching the game as the scotch finally started to warm up his chest and head, making him feel slightly sleepy. He smirked as Gaby made her move. Illya didn’t like the way Napoleon played, but Gaby played with a completely different style from the two of them. She was brash, impatient, definitely didn’t think more than three steps ahead, while Illya thought out the whole game before moving a piece. She took out the pawn in front of the king, an obviously poor move.

Illya just sighed and took the bishop with no remorse, his rook taking its place. That was when Napoleon noticed it, along with a happy smirk from Gaby. Illya noticed it as she moved her piece, blinking in surprise. She had made a gambit of her own, taking Illya’s rook and leaving her own perfectly defended in front of his king.

“I am going to bed,” Illya said simply and Napoleon laughed. Illya could still win the game, naturally. Gaby really had just learned how to play chess, after all. But they were all tired, Illya was more childish than usual. He wasn’t used to losing, especially in chess. Illya stood, glaring at him before walking towards the rather large bed Napoleon had in his room.

“Aw, don’t run and hide just because I took a piece from you,” Gaby chimed, standing to chase the Russian across the room. It was always amusing to see him grumpy, a state that was easily fixed with just enough pressure in the right areas.

“I am tired,” Illya said simply, not amused as she slid in front of him with a happy grin. She was actually quite proud of herself. Of course, she did know how the pieces moved before Illya told her, but Illya teaching her taught a little bit about his style, how he played. It was easy to exploit, especially when he thought she didn’t know what she was doing. “Please get out of my way.”

“At least offer us a goodnight kiss,” Napoleon said easily, getting up to join the two. Gaby laughed as she noticed the confusion come across Illya’s face. She didn’t really know what this Soviet ‘kiss’ was, but she could guess it was drastically different from an actual kiss. It took Illya a moment before understanding traced across his eyes and he sighed.

“You are not funny, Cowboy,” Illya said and Napoleon just shrugged with that knowing smirk of his. He hardly waited, too, stealing a quick peck from Illya, who obviously wasn’t expecting such advances.

“Sweet dreams, Peril,” Napoleon smiled, downing the rest of his scotch before placing his glass back on the table.

“Do I get a kiss, too?” Gaby asked expectantly and Illya turned his attention to her, looking down at her. Sure, if he didn’t want to, Gaby could still steal a kiss, it just took a little more effort with the height difference.

“I doubt you will move if I do not,” Illya gave an amused smile, leaning down slightly. Gaby smirked triumphantly, looping her arms around his neck and happily pressing their lips together for just long enough. She yawned as they pulled away and Illya straightened his back, forcing her to release her arms.

“And let the slumber party begin,” Napoleon smirked, flicking off the light switch as he followed the two to the bed. The bedside lamp was till on in the bedroom, allowing them to see. It could definitely fit all three of them. Illya raised a brow as the two happily took either end of the bed, leaving space for him in the middle. Napoleon, obviously on the verge of tipsy, had his eyelids drooping already and Gaby was already yawning again. Illya shook his head, climbing into bed as well.

“I could have beaten you if we kept playing,” Gaby smirked sleepily, turning to rest her head on Illya’s shoulder.

“No, you could not,” Illya said clearly, finally feeling sleep beginning to overcome him, lulling him to comfort.

“I don’t know,” Napoleon smirked, reaching over to turn off the light at the bedside table. “The way she plays is so different than the others you’ve played, she could trick you.”

“Suddenly I am not against giving you a kiss to make you go to sleep,” Illya said drowsily.

“I can think of plenty other things that’ll get us to sleep,” Napoleon smirked and Illya’s brow twitched. Gaby curled a little closer to him and he gave a content sigh. It wasn’t often that he felt so comfortable going to bed. In fact, it only really happened when both of these idiots were with him.

They made his nights a lot less restless.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I was essentially inspired to write this because of that scene in the movie where Illya gives a ‘kiss’ to that guy to knock him out because he thought he had his father’s watch. Like, if he were to offer Napoleon a kiss, flat out, I feel like Napoleon’s first thoughts would go right towards that slap-esque thing. 
> 
> And I finally got over my fear and finally wrote something from Man from U.N.C.L.E.! And the OT3, no less! Go me! I love these three so much and I hope I did a good job. I’m shit at chess, but I at least know how to explain a few little things about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Tell me what you thought!


End file.
